this one’s for me

As I write this now, I write it in draft because I’m not wholly convinced that I want to press publish on it.  I’m writing it on the internet because I want to be accountable but I’ve removed all of my blog links from social media because I don’t want people to find it.  I need a point on which to focus my efforts that isn’t a day in 4 months time, so for this purpose i will use you.  I’ve tried standing in front of somebody but having pretending like I agree and follow everything they stand for when in fact i think it is utter rubbish, created to fool people into thinking they are educated, is wearing me down!

I need more honesty in my life.  Honesty with myself first and foremost and then honesty with everyone else around me.  I try and persuade myself that I’m doing the best for myself but I’m not, I’m doing whatever is easiest, quickest and ultimately most comforting.  I need to avoid outside distractions and stop using them as barriers that are in my way. I need to stop saying need and start saying want, will, can.  Today is not day one because everyday is day one, i would like today to be day two, three or four because I never seem to get that far on.

I don’t a program, a plan or any specific rules.  I want normality.  I want reasoning. I want to remember my why, every single day.  I’m willing to track, I find it helpful and mindful, some people don’t.  I’ll take a note, a photo, a recipe, and stick it somewhere that people can see.

But Why?

  • Because I want to post about my style
  • because I want to live my style instead of what I can get away with
  • because I want to sleep better, if not for longer for deeper
  • because I want to be a good example
  • because my daughter doesnt need to know about diet
  • because I want to buy all of the shoes
  • because I want food to be a function not a fight
  • because I want to make white space in my day to complete other things
  • because I want to get rid of my anxiety
  • because I want to appreciate the birds and the trees
  • because I want to be proud of the photos that are taken

 

And how?

  • I’m going to plan for Monday – Friday and stick to the plan this week
  • I’m going to order when I say I’m going to do it this week
  • I’m going check in with myself everyday this week
  • I’m going to give myself white space everyday this week
  • I’m going to do something I enjoy everyday this week
  • I’m going to complete all of my circles everyday this week

 

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